Curhat Colongan

I don’t care if I sound needy or clingy, I’m gonna say it out loud: I need you to show me that you need me.

Why is it so hard for you to realize it?

I’m not gonna stand here, waiting for you. Things will not always be the same.

I’ll move on to another guy.

The one who will accept me and give me what I need.

…..hot dogs.

(background: me waiting at a hot dog stand while I was apparently invisible. For God’s sake, I’m not homeless begging for food to survive. I got money and I can buy all you’ve got.  Just so you know: YOU”RE NOT THE ONLY HOT DOG STAND IN THE UNIVERSE!)

He’s Just NOT That Into You

Just finished watching ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’,  a movie based on a novel (which I have been nowhere near -luckily) starring Scarlett Johansson, Jen Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly, Ben Afleck, Morgan Lily and others. If you’re looking for self-assurance on what you have been doing dating-wise this is a perfect flick for you. Yes it is a chick flick 😀 So for guys with no sense of bravado and a guilty love for drama this too will work for you. I asked my dearest guy friend and he’s not even interested in watching it.  I was relieved to hear his response although he did pay for this DVD yesterday. I really don’t need a drag king right now, even more because I like this guy a lot 😉

So this movie begins with a scene of a young girl played with her sand castle when a boy came right in and told to her face that she reminded him of dog poo. The little girl cried and in an attempt to console her, her mom told her the biggest and legendary lie ever existed since the world’s creation: every time a man treats you like crap, it’s because he likes you! Apparently girls buy this crap and feed on the agony it creates.  So we have Gigi, who’s simply obsessed with a perfect dating scene and the aftermath: the sacred call from her date. Unlucky for her (which very much reminds me of myself) her perfect dates seem to end up in a round-about way. ‘Nice meeting you’ -> translation: You will never hear from me.

There are lots of other characters of course, each brings his/her own tragic misunderstanding and expectations towards love. There’s Anna who is torn apart between a sexy married guy (a.k.a the douche bag), Ben and her straightforward, no-sparks standby, Conor. Oh and by the way Conor is one of the guys who didn’t call Gigi after their date.  Ben is the husband of Janine, Gigi’s colleague and confidante. There’s also Mary, an ad sales who is surrounding by good looking and supportive men who are unfortunately gay 😛 Mary has problem finding a date in a real world and she turns to online sites (which also reminds me of myself who fell for 3 guys I chatted with). Oh and how can I forget Beth (played by Jen Aniston) and Neil who have a steady 7-year-old-committed-unmarried life. The last straw comes when Beth’s baby sister is getting married. Beth starts to get anxious, blackmails Neil to marry her and ends up breaking up with him.

Trust me, it’s not that complicated when you watch the movie yourself! I’m not gonna be a rotten spoiler I usually am (haha!) and will not tell you the ending. I will, however,  give you several quotes from the movie which I played countless times in my head 😀

Gigi: We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you.

Alex: So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn’t give a shit, he genuinely doesn’t give a shit. No exceptions.

Gigi: So what now I’m just supposed to turn from every guy who doesn’t like me?
Alex: Uh. Yeah!
Gigi: There’s not gonna be anybody left. (she’s so freaking honest hahahahaha….)

Mary: I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. (touche! Thank God my dearest guy friend doesn’t have account in any of the social networking sites. We can simply talk on the phone, chat and hold hands when we meet. Classic 😛 )

Gigi: I would rather be like that, then be like you.
Alex: Excuse me? What’s that supposed to mean?
Gigi: I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You’ve think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don’t fall in love that way either. You have not won. You’re alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I’m still a lot closer to love than you are. (no comment on this. I believe that hen you meet the right guy, everything should feel easy. You don’t have to worry if you should call him or wait for his calls. None of it matters. Sometimes he calls first, other times you leave simple cute messages on his mobile. You don’t have to go extra mile just to know if he feels the same.)

Gigi: Sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment… you never gave up hope. (hope to simply wake up one day,  smile at the reflection of yourself in the mirror and not wondering if you’re worth-loving)

My personal advice is  don’t give him any presents if you’re not sure he likes you. Save all the drama okay? Picking gifts can be emotionally exhausting, thinking ‘Does he like it?’, ‘Does he prefer that to this?’, ‘What kind of guy he is?’ and then the card-writing part. Then the crucial part when you give him the gift. D’ooohhhhh… it’s just too much! And when things don’t quite work out for you two, you will be traumatized by the whole experience. It leaves you a big scar. Just like a friend of mine who admitted that she is too tired to make the moves now with someone new, after years of failed attempts to win someone’s heart. And of course me, who acted cool and non-chalant until finally I couldn’t take it anymore. It hurts, giving something (along with your heart) to someone only to witness it be shattered into pieces. Rose Kennedy once said “It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone.”

Anyhoo, I gave my dearest guy friend a strawberry cheese cake instead of a birthday present. Afterall I thought to myself, if he doesn’t like it I can eat it myself  (which luckily was not the case) 😉

Semoga

Merenungkanmu kini, menggugah haruku

Berbagai kenangan berganti, masa yang t’lah lalu

Sebenarnya ku ingin menggali hasrat untuk kembali…

Melukiskanmu lagi, di dalam benakku

Perlahan terbayang pasti garis wajahmu

Kehangatan cinta kasih dapat kubaca jelas di situ…

Adakah waktu mendewasakan kita

Kuharap masih ada hati bicara

Mungkinkah saja terurai satu persatu

Pertikaian yang dulu, bagai pintaku…

Semoga…

Lihatlah ku di sini, memendam rindu

Setiap ku berseru, yang kusebut hanya namamu…

Adakah waktu mendewasakan kita

Kuharap masih ada hati bicara

Mungkinkah saja terurai satu persatu

Pertikaian yang dulu, bagai pintaku…

Sebenarnya kuingin menggali hasrat kembali

Kuharap agar kau mengerti…

Semoga…

Selama beberapa minggu ini ga tau kenapa lagu Semoga ini terngiang-ngiang di telinga gw, terutama liriknya yang “Adakah waktu mendewasakan kita, kuharap masih ada hati bicara”. Gw ga pernah segitu ngefansnya sama Kla, jd menurut gw itu cukup aneh ya 😀 Earworm ini makin menjadi2 selama 3 hari ini gara2 sebuah pertemuan hari Sabtu kemaren.

Wiken kemaren gw ada janji sama temen lama. Okay.. bukan bener2 temen sih hehehe… Singkatnya, dia adalah cowo yang berarti banget buat gw 6 tahun lalu, tahun terakhir gw kuliah. The one that got away… mungkin itu istilah yang tepat hehehe…

Dia cowo pertama yang bener2 bikin gw jatuh cinta. Di mata gw dia ideal banget lah pokoknya. Dia serba pertama buat gw:

1. Dia cowo pertama yang main gitar buat gw (menjelaskan obsesi gw yang mendalam terhadap objek satu ini :P)

2. Cowo pertama yang gw bawa ke kampus dan gw kenalin ke temen2. Dia bahkan nemenin gw ujian pendadaran. Yep.. he was that special to me!

3. Dia cowo pertama yang bikin gw bersih2 kamar gw selama 6 jam (termasuk kamar mandi) karena dia mau dateng ke kost buat ngerjain tugas bareng. Hahaha… setengah jam sebelum dia dateng baru gw selesai. Dan ga malu2inlah karena dia cukup terkesan dengan ‘kerapian’ dan ‘kewangian’ kamar gw (termasuk kamar mandi). Hihihihihi…

4. Dia cowo pertama yang gw inget dengan lagu. Dan lagunya adalah “If You’re Not The One”, Daniel Beddingfield (lagu bunuh diri banget ga sih hahaha).

5. And last but not least, he’s the first guy that introduced me to heart-breaking experience 😛

Gw lost in touch sama dia sejak 5 tahun lalu. He never returns my phone calls, sms or e-mails. Then I hated him sooooooooo much. Beneran benci sampe sahabat gw (yang juga sahabat dia) gw minta berhenti cerita tentang dia. Gw muak aja. Saking jahatnya gw, waktu sahabat gw cerita kalo dia belum lulus juga dan bermasalah dengan skripsinya komentar pertama gw adalah: Rasain!

Emang ya hati cewe itu bener2 berbahaya. That’s why jangan jahatin cewe. Ada alasan yang logis di balik semua urban legends yang menampilkan hantu2 cewe seram berwajah murung 😛

Then he moved to Jakarta, got a job here (he didn’t finish his undergraduate because of the fore-mentioned reason). Dia ngebuzz gw di YM mengabarkan dia udah di Jakarta, yang mana gw tanggapi dengan reaksi sedingin es. Ya lagian, 5 tahun tanpa kontak dan dengan santainya mengabarkan ‘I’m back’. Dia ngerti kayanya kebencian gw dan ga hubungin lagi. Dua bulan lalu, gw yang mulai dewasa dan bijak (hoekkkkkk) kembali menghubungi dia. So we’re in touch again. And finally we met last Saturday.

The meeting was good. Bener2 closure buat gw lah, di mana gw keluarin semua unek2 gw dan dia menjelaskan apa yang terjadi from his part. He even apologized. Gw merasa nyaman sama dia. Bukan karena dia temen lama gw atau gw masih teringat akan romansa masa lalu, tapi karena dia dengan semua kedewasaan dan keterbukaannya sekarang membuat gw kagum. Iya sih.. dia tetep aja bikin gw klepek2 waktu dia main gitar di depan gw sambil menatap gw dalam2 (narasi yang terlalu berbunga2 :p). Ada kerinduan di dalam tatapan itu… And I just realized, I have forgiven him all along.

Jadi pertanyaan “Adakah waktu mendewasakan kita?” yang entah kenapa terngiang2 di kepala gw sejak sebulan lalu telah terjawab. Jawabannya adalah iya 🙂

Will you take the hit?

My latest addiction with TV series is Scrubs. I love the characters, especially JD which convinces me that I DO have a specific type of guy (cute, child-like, smart but clumsy, funny, a bit of a nerd, a good friend).

In episode 12 of Season 2, I find an interesting quote:

Cause even if it breaks your heart to be ‘just friends’, if you really care about someone, you’ll take the hit.

It’s in the context of having a friendship with an ex who happens to be your good friend/co-worker. JD and Elliot were friends then they dated. But things didn’t work out so they decided to remain friends, until JD realized that he loved her. She thought they didn’t cut out for romance so she said she would like to just stay friends. Although it was very hard for him to accept her decision, he’d still be there for her, let her cry in his shoulder and listened to her problems, saying this to himself: if you really care about someone, you’ll take the hit.

Now, is it true? Okay, the question should be: can anyone do it?

A friend told me recently about her break-up. Her ex said “I should have known from the beginning that you were meant to be my best friend.” In short, he told her he was not sure that she’s ‘the one’. (reminder for all guys: please please don’t use this reason to break up with your girl friend! It hurts like hell).

The ex said he really hoped they could be good friends because he didn’t want to lose her as a friend.

She told me that it’s impossible, at least for now. She is still devastated from the break-up and afraid that having a friendship with him would prevent her from ‘moving on’. As far as sanity is concerned, there are tons of reasoning against this kind of friendship.

1) Being in love is not about being a martyr.-> one of my favorite quotes

2) If by being “just friends” you are going to do yourself emotional damage, and possibly lower your chances of making other relationships work, then it doesn’t seem like a very good idea.

3) It’s difficult to be objective when you are emotionally attached to someone. I mean, how would you feel providing advice to your ex regarding their new girlfriend/love interest?

4) The friendship is not mutual. It is always the one whose feelings have been resolved the fastest who want to be friends. They cannot comprehend that their ex may not have moved on emotionally so fast.

5) Good friendships post-breakups can only happen a long way down the road once emotional baggage is not an issue anymore.

Actually I cannot think of one sensible reason of being friends with someone who’s broken your heart. It’s all in our heart. Very simple: because you love him and you want to be there when he needs you.

Now, will you?

Jangan Ngeluh

Today I mostly felt like crap. It was a crappy day..no..actually it has been a crappy week. Not really… it started last week. Okay.. whatever. Work sucks, everybody got that. But my situation sucks big time… incompetent people, blame game, bureaucracy, you name it, it’s all there. My personal life is a mess too. So basically I’m swamped with nowhere to shelter.

Then on my way home, I took Trans Jakarta from Harmoni-Grogol-Lebak Bulus. In Grogol I waited for 30 mins before the bus came. In my waiting I met a guy who took his first ride of Trans Jakarta and head to Lebak Bulus, the final destination. I told him this was not his lucky day. That we would hit the traffic jam in Jalan Panjang and we would not get a seat, probably for the most trip. He smiled and said “Ga papa.. ga boleh ngeluh.” I asked why. He replied “Things will not be better. It is the way it is. Complaining doesn’t make any difference.”

I laughed and told him I wanted to see how long he would stand there without a single complain. So I waited. We took the same bus and he stood beside me with his heavy bag. We didn’t say anything and I checked on him from time to time. Everytime he looked tired I smiled and asked him how he was holding up. He always replied “Ga papa… ga boleh ngeluh”. Halfway I got a seat and he still stood in front of me with his heavy briefcase. I offered to hold his bag for him but he politely refused.

Then he said his name is David and asked mine. We had simple conversation on where we live, where we work, and stuff like that. When my stop was coming near, he asked if he could come with me to have a cup of coffee. I smiled and said no. He asked me why. I answered “It’s better this way. Things are good.” He told me his number (0819…) but I just laughed. When he asked me one final question, “Can I see you again?” I just smiled and said “No, I don’t think so…but thanks…” He looked puzzled. I replied… “For your advice :)”

It’s funny how the best lesson in life sometimes comes from a total stranger. God chose him as His messenger to a girl in distress 😀 So I treated him as one 🙂

For David, if you happen to find this blog: Nice to meet you today! Stay positive and ‘jangan ngeluh’ 😉

Karena Kutahu Engkau Begitu (bagian 2-final)

Ini ketiga kalinya gw menulis ttg cowo KKEB ini 😀

Dan jangan khawatir pembaca yang budiman, ini adalah tulisan yang terakhir!

Tadi malem.

he: hi, how are u?

me: gud

he: long time no chat. You’ve been busy for the past weeks?

me: not really

he: are u sure?

me: yep

he: u still owe me a cup of coffee

long silence

me: u still owe me my money for buying u sinigang mix

u’ll never eat it anyway but I’d still charge 😀

he: sorry

I’ll make it up to you

me: it’s okay

he: really..I’m sorry

how about I treat u in a good movie?

long silence

he: are u still there?

Then I signed out.

Okay…gw pernah janji traktir dia ngopi 3 tahun lalu. Dan gw bukannya ga mau nepatin janji gw. Tapi kita berdua tau ini bukan cuma soal kopi.

Soal sinigang mix, tahun lalu gw ke Manila. Gw sms dia dari sana, dia mau nitip apa dari kampung halamannya (cowo KKEB ini kerja lagi di Jakarta sejak Agustus tahun lalu). Dia jawab tolong beliin gw 15 packs of sinigang mix (bumbu instan untuk masakan sejenis Tomyum). Gw beliin. Setelah gw balik gw nanya ini titipan dia gimana, apa mau gw kirim lewat kurir. Dia jawab, no..we’ll meet soon. So we set the place and time. Citos, 7 pm. I was there. For two hours. He didn’t show up.

Gw sms dia, calling him self-centered prick with no concerns of others’ feelings. Dia cuma bisa minta maaf. Berkali2, bilang dia ada masalah sama kerjaannya dan ga bisa ditinggal.

Dia itu sendok…yang udah ngaduk2 perasaan gw.

Temen gw Kampang bener, lawan dari cinta bukanlah benci, melainkan ketidakpedulian. Gw punya banyak alasan untuk benci dia, lebih dari ‘being stood up for two hours’ atau ‘his meaningless apologies’. Dia adalah latar belakang gw pacaran dengan cowo yang gw tau ga tepat buat gw, cuma karena gw patah hati :)) Itulah awal collateral damage sampe 3 tahun ke depan. Bagaikan teori domino, satu demi satu kartu gw berjatuhan. Gw putus nyambung (udah kaya lagu BBB aja :p ) sampe akhirnya putus juga. Gw mengubah rencana hidup gw untuk mengikuti si mantan ke luar negeri (and I quit my job) sampe akhirnya gw drop semua rencana itu karena gw tau gw ga pernah bener2 menginginkannya…dan karena si mantan pun berhenti menginginkan gw. Gw berusaha menata kembali hidup gw yang udah ga jelas ke arah mana. Kemudian, kartu terakhir jatuh. Gw suka sama temen mantan gw.

Kacau kan? Semuanya jadi ga enak. Terutama gw merasa bersalah karena mungkin pertemanan mereka terpengaruh in some ways. Dan itu salah gw. Tapi bisa dong kalo gw nyalahin si cowo KKEB yang menyeret gw ke dalam rentetan masalah ini? 😀 But the truth is: I don’t blame him. Kalo gw benci sama dia sama aja gw masih ‘merasa’.  Gw bangga dengan cara gw menangani semua ini. Tanpa drama, tanpa sms makian, tanpa air mata penyesalan.

Gw berhenti peduli. Saking ga pedulinya, gw lupa kalo dia exist dan cukup terkejut tiap kali dia muncul di layar : hi cute. hi cupcake, hi apple pie (dan lain2 yang enak dimakan..blm pernah sih dia bilang ‘hi pizza’ hehehe).

Pembicaraan tadi malam membuat gw tersenyum. Kalo dulu dia adalah sendok yang mengaduk2 perasaan gw, sekarang bagi gw dia lepek. Ga ngaruh gitu. Gelas penting…buat minum, sendok perlu..buat ngaduk. Lepek? Supaya ga kotor? Halah..ada tisu..ada lap pel :))

(anyway, now as I’m finishing this post he just pops out and says ‘u der?’ 😛 )

Ladies, love the body you’re in

When Cicero wrote ‘Nihil inimicius quam sibi ipse’ (Men is his own worst enemy), I’m sure he didn’t think of women in locker room 😀 I’m quite certain that he didn’t have a clue that thousands years after, majority of women living today subconsciously hold on to this oracle. It is the determinant of  many choices women make. For example, women hit the gym after work not to socialize or flirt with well-built, perspiring men (sorry guys… your hard work does not impress us much). We hit the gym because we need some exercise. And we exercise not to ‘stay in shape’. That’s a lame justification that always makes me laugh every time I hear it. Nobody comes to the gym to stay just the way they are. They want to change something. It could be to ‘get in shape’ or to ‘tone up the muscles’. I can think of a million answers as far as the ‘alteration’ (or improvement) is concerned. It could be the bulky belly, fats around the hips, flabby arms, gigantic thighs, and so on and so forth.

So why don’t we cut the crap, save the argument and admit it, we hate our own body! We hate it in a way that sometimes we feel it’s our worst enemy. We run, kick, lift, jump, sweat, stretch, endure until every muscle in our body screams. And we feel good doing it. Until we look around…and see other bodies (who do just the same)…and we feel like crap. It looks like others have perfect figures. They are slender, strong, curvaceous in the right places, and so on and so forth. Why are they here in the first place? They are far more perfect than us. Things get worse in the locker room. Some women are comfortable walking half naked into/out of the bath room, subjected to curious and judgmental eyes. No, we don’t hear any comments made. It’s all in our head. ‘Look at her boobs…wow.. I bet they’re 34B and they hang perfectly.. I wonder why mine are saggy’. ‘Such a perfect waist.. what exercise does she do? Is she on a new diet I haven’t tried?’. ‘Her skin is flawless! Even in sweats she looks gorgeous’. Even in steamy room we still manage to see other bodies through the smoke. The voice in our head never stops. It just keeps going and going… and it’s the reason we keep coming and coming. Because seeing other perfect bodies makes us hate ours even more. And the more we hate our body, the more we do to change it. It’s a vicious circle.

A friend came to a wedding party last weekend. She said to me “The bride was so slim I could hardly recognize her! She used to be chubbier than me. I bet she visited the slimming center and had her bodies all wrapped up. It works.. and it is pricey.”  I was nodding in agreement. I took a mental note, if I have enough money I’ll go to a slimming center before my wedding day. I’ll be in my best shape. Then I thought to myself, what if 3 months after the wedding I have put on weight even more than before, that one day a friend comes to my house, sees my wedding picture and asks me “Who is that beautiful lady?” Touche. That later thought made me stop all the urges to come to slimming centers.

I’m not going to lie… I have this gym membership because I need to fix some areas too. In the first months, I was frustrated because I felt like I worked hard but nothing changed (while everyone else seems to enjoy better success). Then I stopped thinking of my body as my enemy. I know it’s a battle I cannot win. Even if I have endless legs like those of supermodels, I will always find something to complain about. I try to appreciate my own body and instead of taking notes of the ugly and gruesome details, I think about its strengths and loyalty to me. For instance, I don’t have beautiful legs/feet. But I have two very strong feet that have taken me everywhere. They even endured my backpacking trips in high heels 😀 They never complained. Yes, I know they are bigger than they’re supposed to *sob sob* but I have to be grateful that they never cause me problem. I show my love to them with pretty shoes and stilettos and wedges. Now they can choose which pair they want to wear from my 30+ collection 😛

And for the locker room thingy, until now I still look at other women bodies with awe and admiration. But now I refuse to listen to the voices in my head anymore 🙂 I just focus on myself and get dress quickly after showering. And when other women stare at me, I’d hold my breath and hope they look down. DON’T LOOK AT ME. JUST LOOK AT MY SHOES!!!

Rebel Without A Cause

Have you, for once in your life, thought how similar or dissimilar you are to your parents?

Your parents are among the first teachers slash philosophers you had in your life. Parenting is one tough call. Like Jesse in Before Sunrise said: Everybody’s parents fucked them up. Rich kids parents gave them too much. Poor kids, not enough. You know, too much attention, not enough attention. They either left them or they stuck around and taught them the wrong things.

No matter how hard you try to be a good parent, your children will hate you in some ways. They grow up taking mental notes on everything you taught them. When you deny your children access to television/games you think it’s the right thing to do. But you don’t know they think you embarrass them because they can’t join their friends discussion about the latest episode of Naruto or any cool games. Kids are vicious. Nerdy kids with no access to TV and games are not going to make a lot of friends. Their confidence may be shaken up. Hahaha… dilemmatic right? Thank God I don’t have children………………..yet 😉

Most of my life I’ve been known as a little miss goody goody. I did most things my parents told me to do. I did my homework, I never throw tantrums, I studied hard, I never asked mommy to buy expensive toys, you would find me in my room at night because I never went out to those ‘cool places to hang out’. I didn’t even date a guy until I was 23. When I was a highschooler, my parents said ‘Wait until you are in the college and you can be friendly with boys.’ When I was in my freshman year, they changed their minds and told me to wait until I graduate. I said okay. No big deal. What did I see in those immature, needy creatures with silly haircut anyway? They were just a bunch of losers.

But somewhere inside of me, I resist. God knows, I resist hard. My father wanted me to become a swimming athlete. He said that way I would be able to travel to foreign places, I may even win a scholarship to study overseas. He thought it was easy. He put me to the daily training since I was almost 7. Years later I started to hate the water I was in. For starters, I was not good enough. And… I just wanted to play with my friends instead of kicking my ass in the water for the entire afternoon. I was so unhappy that I cried everyday in the pool. Finally my mom saw how miserable I was and talked my father out. He reluctantly accepted my decision to quit swimming.

With my mother things were easier. Except for one thing. She was kind of obsessed with the idea that I should develop my own career. She doesn’t want me to end up like her, being a housewife. After a while, I grew tired of her expectations. Why can’t I settle down after I find a good man to marry? What’s wrong with being a devoted wife and mother? One more thing, she was very melancholic and helplessly romantic. My parents’ marriage was not approved by my mother’s family. Her father (my grandfather) even kicked her out of the house because she refused to marry her cousin (okay..this sounds very much like a storyline but it happened for real). With so much drama (d’oohhhh…), they got married and started their new life with nothing. When I was old enough to understand why my mother’s family never paid us a visit, my parents explained to us (me and my sister). My sister was kind of drawn into this ‘fairytale lovestory’ but I was more rational. If I had been in my mother’s shoes, I would never never have done the same thing. Jeez… marrying someone just because you love him sounds more than speculative to me. It was insane!

As I grow older and get stronger to put up a fight, I’ve enjoyed my sweet revenge. With my own money I buy things I want. I don’t care if they don’t last long (against my mother’s virtue of buying only things that last). As long as they are pretty and catch my eyes, I don’t care if I have to spend half of my salary just to have it. I hung out with my friends at Java Jazz Festival until 2 a.m. (against my parents’ liking of 9 o’ clock curfew for girls, yeah right plisssss dehhhh… :p ). On the other hand, I find myself more agreeable with them. For instance, I understand my father’s dream of having a daughter swim at the Olympics. That would be wonderful. Wait..more than wonderful. If I can win a gold medal and have ‘Indonesia Raya’ played in an international arena, it would be my proudest moment. I may also have studied abroad. At the very least, I can mention something I am very good at. Unlike now 😦 I am not good enough with anything. Ouch! Reality bites!

On the housewife subject, I am now practically following my mother’s dream simply because ‘the good man’ I was talking about is nowhere near me now 😛 I used to think it’s easy…A good man with a job and good attitude will be enough for me to tie the knot. It turns out not easy as it seems. There were some guys who fit the criteria and they court me and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be in a relationship with a man I didn’t love. God, this is very stupid. Where have all my logics gone? Shoot!!! I become more like my mother, the love guru. Yuck!

One last straw:  my parents were right when they said I had to be good at Math. If only I had listened to them more intently and studied more seriously (ignoring the butterflies in my stomach every time they flash me calculus), it would have been me that works at Hewlett-Packard in Singapore 😉 (hehehe..ini sekedar contoh…please don’t mind me) Damn… I hate when they are right!

How about you? Are you doing the opposite of your parents’ expectations or instead, living your life by their rules?

My Answer

Buat yang menunggu sebuah jawaban, here it is.

Lebih baik menunggu orang yang kamu inginkan daripada berjalan bersama orang yang tersedia.

Lebih baik menunggu orang yang tepat karena hidup ini terlalu singkat untuk dijalani dengan ‘just anybody’.

Terserah kalo mau dikatain idealis. Menurut gw lebih baik menunggu daripada memilih bersama seseorang karena alasan yang gag tepat. Daripada kacau entarnya, kasian kali… gw gag mau lagi bikin anak orang nangis.

Buat yang masih ingin melanjutkan diskursus ini, silakan baca “Should You Wait For Mr. Right?”

Wallentine’s day

Can you believe it? I lost my wallet yesterday, on Valentine’s day. From now on, I’d call Feb 14th, ‘Wallentine’s Day’. The day I lost my wallet.

Things I’ve learned:

1. Pickpockets don’t have holidays. Think about it if you plan to work as one: no health insurance, no annual leave, no day off (you’re obliged to work on weekends). In my case, it’s an irony that my wallet was stolen on the sacred day of love, the day people are supposed to show love and affection to one another.

2. Buy your own wallet. I’ve lost 3 wallets and they all were gifts from my friends. The ones I bought myself stay with me, eventhough I have another problem: I soon abhor them. Think they’re ugly (‘What was I thinking when I bought this?’). With gifts, everything seem perfect and nice. Call this a jinx.

3. Do have someone to rely on. I was lucky that my cells were not stolen too. I could immediately informed my friend that I just lost a wallet and I need to borrow some cash. If your friend is not reliable, you’re dead meat! :))

4. Call your banks to block your cards. You will speak to a helpful customer service officer, even though you have to answer some sily questions such as, what is your mother’s maiden name? She had not been a virgin for 30 years now, for heaven’s sake!

5. Go to the gym after someone snatched your valuables. It works for me. First, you can transfer those energy (a.k.a. anger) and bad vibes. After you do a hard-core cardio session, join a yoga class. It calms your troubled mind, enabling you to see things clearer and find a positive state of mind. For those with no gym membership (hehe..), just practice ujjayi breathing technique (diaphragmatic breath which increases oxygenation and builds internal body heat, resulting in balanced and calm feeling).

6. Eat a lot. Darn…I deserve it! I lost my wallet on Valentine’s day!

7. Don’t put the print-out of Java Jazz/Jason Mraz’ online ticket in your wallet. Now I must call Java Productions to explain that my wallet, along with my online ticket and ID card, was stolen. Anyone trying to redeem the ticket with my ID is not me. I’ll redeem it on March 3rd, showing the copy of my passport.

8. Although you call it backpack, don’t wear it accordingly! In Jakarta, especially in places with questionable crowds. Even in a ‘respected place’ such as Plaza Senayan my friend lost her cellphones. And she put it in..guess what…yep..her backpack.

9. Stay calm. Nine years ago, I lost my wallet for the first time. My reaction was: calling my parents from wartel (belon punya hape bos 😉 ) and crying my eyes out! Today I responded better: as soon as I realized my wallet was not there, I called my bank to block my cards. Next, I text my friend telling her my situation and let her know I need some cash. I asked another friend for bank locations that open on weekends (so I know where I can withdraw my money tomorrow). The last thing I did was call my mom to inform her I need a new ID card. And no tears. Gee, I’m a big girl. I’m so proud of myself 😉 huahahahahhahahha…

10. Count your blessings. I’m so thankful I still got my cells. My Nike shoes were not taken (those pair are the most expensive among my 30+ shoes collection. Now I know why I only own one pair of sneakers, they are so darn expensive!!!), my underwear was still there (it’s cute, floral print with little hearts 😀 Heehee..no it’s not my point. Undies are very personal. The snatcher’s got my photos and my date of birth. If he took my undies as well, I would officially FREAK OUT), my make-up case stayed gracefully intact (got a lot of things there. It will be frustrating and cost me a fortune to replace them), and last but not least, for the fact that I’m still in one piece. Hahahaha…Javanese mentality, always feel grateful and fortunate in every situation, even in the ‘unfortunate’ one 😀