Perfect Sense

It’s dark now. But they feel each others’ breath. And they know all they need to know. They kiss. And they feel each others’ tears on their cheeks. And if there had been anybody left to see them, then they would look like normal lovers, caressing each others’ faces, bodies close together, eyes closed, oblivious to the world around them. Because that is how life goes on. Like that.

Perfect quote πŸ™‚

Must be dreaming

Saya punya kecenderungan untuk merasionalisasikan segala sesuatu. Teman2 terdekat sering menyebut saya lebih mirip laki2 karena kecenderungan menggunakan logika dan deduksi empiris ketimbang perasaan. Saya selalu merasa pandangan mereka salah. Saya merasa saya melankolis dan dikendalikan perasaan, terbukti oleh banyak romansa saya yang terasa random (dan kriteria memilih cowo yang cukup rendah :p). Tapi letupan2 pemikiran saya malam ini (karena akhir2 ini mengalami insomnia) membuat saya meragukan diri saya sendiri.

………. Saya merasa (past tense) saya sedang jatuh cinta.

Apa betul?

Mari kita analisa (oh.. saya melakukannya lagi..damn):

– pergi ke tempat asing
– merasa lebih terbuka dan berani
– bertemu seorang kenalan yang pernah dikagumi 2 tahun lalu (karena aksen perancisnya yang terdengar romantis dan karena dia tidak melakukan apa yang dilakukan mayoritas laki2 lain saat itu: mengejar saya)
– berdiskusi mengenai banyak hal mulai dari masalah pribadi sampai politik dan perdagangan anak
– menjelajahi kota asing berdua dengan sepasang mata yang penuh keingintahuan
– merasakan chemistry yang pas
– mengalami momen perpisahan yang mengharu biru

Satu kata yang menggambarkan sebagian besar deskripsi untuk situasi di atas: BEFORE SUNRISE (a Richard Linklater’s movie, cast: Ethan Hawke & Julie Delpy)

Saya memang menyukai film ini dan (mungkin) diam2 mengharapkan akan memiliki kisah cinta seperti ini.
Maybe I like the movie too much that I have been idealizing a serendipitous encounter with β€˜the one’ at its best.
Maybe what really happened back there can be summed up with what Celine said in Before Sunset: You know, maybe we’re – we’re only good at brief encounters, walking around in European cities in warm climate.

Beberapa fakta tambahan:

– dia berpisah dengan mantan pasangannya dan punya satu anak.
– dia sangat menyayangi anaknya dan akan melakukan apa saja untuk tidak berpisah dengan si kecil (dapat diartikan dia bisa dipastikan tidak akan terbang ke tempat ratusan mil jauhnya hanya karena sebuah perasaan sentimentil)

Ya betul, ini Jesse dalam BEFORE SUNSET.

Semua elemen dua film favorit saya ada di sini. Dan film ini punya akhir yang mengambang. Kita tidak pernah tahu apakah Jesse dan Celine akan bersatu. Ataukah mereka kembali ke realita masing2.

Amazing how your mind can trick you, it even conspires with your subconscious.

Jadi apakah saya benar jatuh cinta?

Saya tidak seyakin dua jam lalu. Entahlah.

He’s Just NOT That Into You

Just finished watching ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’,Β  a movie based on a novel (which I have been nowhere near -luckily) starring Scarlett Johansson, Jen Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly, Ben Afleck, Morgan Lily and others. If you’re looking for self-assurance on what you have been doing dating-wise this is a perfect flick for you. Yes it is a chick flick πŸ˜€ So for guys with no sense of bravado and a guilty love for drama this too will work for you. I asked my dearest guy friend and he’s not even interested in watching it.Β  I was relieved to hear his response although he did pay for this DVD yesterday. I really don’t need a drag king right now, even more because I like this guy a lot πŸ˜‰

So this movie begins with a scene of a young girl played with her sand castle when a boy came right in and told to her face that she reminded him of dog poo. The little girl cried and in an attempt to console her, her mom told her the biggest and legendary lie ever existed since the world’s creation: every time a man treats you like crap, it’s because he likes you! Apparently girls buy this crap and feed on the agony it creates.Β  So we have Gigi, who’s simply obsessed with a perfect dating scene and the aftermath: the sacred call from her date. Unlucky for her (which very much reminds me of myself) her perfect dates seem to end up in a round-about way. ‘Nice meeting you’ -> translation: You will never hear from me.

There are lots of other characters of course, each brings his/her own tragic misunderstanding and expectations towards love. There’s Anna who is torn apart between a sexy married guy (a.k.a the douche bag), Ben and her straightforward, no-sparks standby, Conor. Oh and by the way Conor is one of the guys who didn’t call Gigi after their date.Β  Ben is the husband of Janine, Gigi’s colleague and confidante. There’s also Mary, an ad sales who is surrounding by good looking and supportive men who are unfortunately gay πŸ˜› Mary has problem finding a date in a real world and she turns to online sites (which also reminds me of myself who fell for 3 guys I chatted with). Oh and how can I forget Beth (played by Jen Aniston) and Neil who have a steady 7-year-old-committed-unmarried life. The last straw comes when Beth’s baby sister is getting married. Beth starts to get anxious, blackmails Neil to marry her and ends up breaking up with him.

Trust me, it’s not that complicated when you watch the movie yourself! I’m not gonna be a rotten spoiler I usually am (haha!) and will not tell you the ending. I will, however,Β  give you several quotes from the movie which I played countless times in my head πŸ˜€

Gigi: We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you.

Alex: So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn’t give a shit, he genuinely doesn’t give a shit. No exceptions.

Gigi: So what now I’m just supposed to turn from every guy who doesn’t like me?
Alex: Uh. Yeah!
Gigi: There’s not gonna be anybody left. (she’s so freaking honest hahahahaha….)

Mary: I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. (touche! Thank God my dearest guy friend doesn’t have account in any of the social networking sites. We can simply talk on the phone, chat and hold hands when we meet. Classic πŸ˜› )

Gigi: I would rather be like that, then be like you.
Alex: Excuse me? What’s that supposed to mean?
Gigi: I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You’ve think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don’t fall in love that way either. You have not won. You’re alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I’m still a lot closer to love than you are. (no comment on this. I believe that hen you meet the right guy, everything should feel easy. You don’t have to worry if you should call him or wait for his calls. None of it matters. Sometimes he calls first, other times you leave simple cute messages on his mobile. You don’t have to go extra mile just to know if he feels the same.)

Gigi: Sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment… you never gave up hope. (hope to simply wake up one day,Β  smile at the reflection of yourself in the mirror and not wondering if you’re worth-loving)

My personal advice isΒ  don’t give him any presents if you’re not sure he likes you. Save all the drama okay? Picking gifts can be emotionally exhausting, thinking ‘Does he like it?’, ‘Does he prefer that to this?’, ‘What kind of guy he is?’ and then the card-writing part. Then the crucial part when you give him the gift. D’ooohhhhh… it’s just too much! And when things don’t quite work out for you two, you will be traumatized by the whole experience. It leaves you a big scar. Just like a friend of mine who admitted that she is too tired to make the moves now with someone new, after years of failed attempts to win someone’s heart. And of course me, who acted cool and non-chalant until finally I couldn’t take it anymore. It hurts, giving something (along with your heart) to someone only to witness it be shattered into pieces. Rose Kennedy once said β€œIt has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone.”

Anyhoo, I gave my dearest guy friend a strawberry cheese cake instead of a birthday present. Afterall I thought to myself, if he doesn’t like it I can eat it myselfΒ  (which luckily was not the case) πŸ˜‰



Will you take the hit?

My latest addiction with TV series is Scrubs. I love the characters, especially JD which convinces me that I DO have a specific type of guy (cute, child-like, smart but clumsy, funny, a bit of a nerd, a good friend).

In episode 12 of Season 2, I find an interesting quote:

Cause even if it breaks your heart to be ‘just friends’, if you really care about someone, you’ll take the hit.

It’s in the context of having a friendship with an ex who happens to be your good friend/co-worker. JD and Elliot were friends then they dated. But things didn’t work out so they decided to remain friends, until JD realized that he loved her. She thought they didn’t cut out for romance so she said she would like to just stay friends. Although it was very hard for him to accept her decision, he’d still be there for her, let her cry in his shoulder and listened to her problems, saying this to himself: if you really care about someone, you’ll take the hit.

Now, is it true? Okay, the question should be: can anyone do it?

A friend told me recently about her break-up. Her ex said “I should have known from the beginning that you were meant to be my best friend.” In short, he told her he was not sure that she’s ‘the one’. (reminder for all guys: please please don’t use this reason to break up with your girl friend! It hurts like hell).

The ex said he really hoped they could be good friends because he didn’t want to lose her as a friend.

She told me that it’s impossible, at least for now. She is still devastated from the break-up and afraid that having a friendship with him would prevent her from ‘moving on’. As far as sanity is concerned, there are tons of reasoning against this kind of friendship.

1) Being in love is not about being a martyr.-> one of my favorite quotes

2) If by being “just friends” you are going to do yourself emotional damage, and possibly lower your chances of making other relationships work, then it doesn’t seem like a very good idea.

3) It’s difficult to be objective when you are emotionally attached to someone. I mean, how would you feel providing advice to your ex regarding their new girlfriend/love interest?

4) The friendship is not mutual. It is always the one whose feelings have been resolved the fastest who want to be friends. They cannot comprehend that their ex may not have moved on emotionally so fast.

5) Good friendships post-breakups can only happen a long way down the road once emotional baggage is not an issue anymore.

Actually I cannot think of one sensible reason of being friends with someone who’s broken your heart. It’s all in our heart. Very simple: because you love him and you want to be there when he needs you.

Now, will you?




A Man Who Was Superman

What I love most about weekends is the luxury to do anything I want, from sleeping to reading books or watching several movies in one sitting. And not having to take a bath from morning to night πŸ˜‰ This weekend is no exception. I slept for more than 12 hours a night. I didn’t take a bath for two days. I watched my heartthrob, Danny Messer from CSI New York. And some Korean movies. One of them was ‘A Man Who Was Superman’. I watched it because: 1) Gianna Jun (Jeon Ji-hyun) played in that movie and 2) my friend, Fendy recommended it. The good thing about recommended book/movie/restaurants/music is that you always know whom to strangle if you’re not amused πŸ˜€ For half of the duration, I almost fell asleep (and yes, I was thinking of the best tool to strangle him, what kind of rope for example :p ). My friend Sylvia who was there with me, even decided to go back to her place because (in her words) ‘the movie was so boring it inspired me to sleep.’

P

I personally loathe the Hawaiian shirt πŸ˜›

But I endured. He said the ending is good.Β I knew the Superman was gonna die. Come on..the title is ‘The Man Who Was Superman’. ‘Was’, not ‘is’ (same case with Celine Dion’s song ‘Because You Loved Me’. The man in the song died.) I just needed to know how.

The story goes like this. Soo-jung (Jeon Ji-hyun) is a cynical and worn out producer of television documentaries. One day, after months of not being paid, she leaves with her company’s camera to shoot lions in Africa. But before she gets the chance a thief tries to steal her camera, only for her to be rescued by a man in a Hawaiian shirt who claims to be Superman (Hwang Jung-min). The man(whose real name is later revealed as Lee Hyun-Suk), who spends his days trying to help others, believes that a piece of kryptonite lodged in his brain has robbed him of his powers. Soo-jung decides to make him the subject of her new documentary. After an X-Ray, it becomes clear that there really is something stuck in his head: a bullet. Over the course of the movie, Superman’s story is revealed. Two past tragedies that befell Hyun-Suk has led him into the current state of mind he is in. When he was a boy, he saw Superman with his father, who told him that if he counted to one-hundred, he would become Superman. His father later died in a gunfight, and the boy was hit in the back of the head with the bullet, miraculously, he lived (with epilepsy for the rest of his life). Years later, he and his wife and daughter were caught in a car accident. His wife died instantly, but his daughter was still alive. The man told his daughter to count to one hundred, and he’d turn into Superman to save her. Unfortunately, just as he was running to the car with a fire extinguisher, the bullet caused a seizure, and as he lied on the ground in pain, the car exploded. Nobody in the crowd tried to help. This was when he became Superman.

The moral of the story is simple. You don’t have to be a Superman with great powers to help others or change the future. “Strength doesn’t open big iron doors but a small key does”. Superman helps the frosty, calculating Soo-jung to see what is truly important in life. Leading to the movie credits, Soo-jung did what the man did in the beginning of the movie: helping out an old lady.

The way I see it, the story is basically tragic and all the efforts to sugarcoat it with humourous scenes failed to make me laugh. I did cry in the end, though. Because it is just unfair. Life is a cruel joke, I know. But this is just too cruel for him. He lost his dad, he had a bullet in his head that caused him excruciating seizures every now and then. He lost his wife and daughter in a tragic accident with nobody trying to help. And he died. For some, it is the perfect ending. He’s had enough with this awful injustice in his life, just let God put him out of his misery. I don’t know, but I personally love happy endings. The good man’s gotta stay alive and triumph. There’s gotta be more to life. Altruism is a good virtue, but being grateful to God for life He has given us is a basic prerequisite of a good human being. He died of saving other life OR he decided to die trying because he was too scared of living this miserable life (without his loved ones). Is he a hero or a coward? You decide.

PS: Bos, I’m still thinking how the best to strangle you πŸ˜€

Before Sunrise and Before Sunset (part deux: on Celine)

Have you watched the movies? πŸ˜€ I am writing this second part of my review on the movies because particularly, I was very surprised that I relate to Celine’s character so damn well it almost scares me.

1. Celine comes from a good, well-educated family which left her with apparently nothing to complain about. Yet, she still faced the same struggle, she’s restless and always questioning the meaning of her existence in the world.

2. On the other hand, she admits:

I always feel this pressure of being a strong and independent icon of womanhood, and without making it look my whole life is revolving around some guy. But loving someone, and being loved means so much to me. We always make fun of it and stuff. But isn’t everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?

Oh my goodness, it is so true! While I’d like to say that my life is all about my career, you all can see that I DO care about my personal life (hence this blog πŸ˜› ).

3. In ‘Before Sunrise’ Celine told Jesse about her last boyfriend. He was totally beneath her in every way that she thought their being together as ‘she was doing him a favor’. He in fact, broke up with her. And the interesting thing is, Celine became obsessed with the guy, the guy she never loved anyway. Hahaha…I completely understand this paradox. I’ve been there πŸ˜€ I didn’t love my ex but when he broke up with me (sort of..he in fact just disappeared from my life) I was kind of obsessed. It was not an act out of love, instead it was all pride. I should have been the one who walked away (remember? during the time we’re together, I was merely doing you a favor πŸ˜› ).

4. Celine’s ex’es are all married. Well, one of my ex’es is married πŸ™‚ And most guys who used to court me are now happily ‘in a relationship’. Really, I never want to hook up with them in the first place. But I don’t know why I still sigh everytime I learn -the hard way- that my fan base is (arguably) non-existent πŸ˜€

5. She’s a Sag, just like me. She enjoys having her palm read by a Gypsy. And she believes in astrology “You’re a Scorpio, I’m a Sagittarius, that’s why we get along so well!” she said to Jesse.

6. Career aspiration. I really want to do what she does, putting her passion and turn into actions. She works for an international non-governmental organization doing things to make the world better.

7. Her take on soulmate:

The concept is absurd. The idea that we can only be complete with another person is evil! Right?

Oh yeah baby…this is the best-said remark on soulmate I ever hear!

Before Sunrise and Before Sunset (part une)

Image courtesy of bruno-wp.blogspot.com

Image courtesy of bruno-wp.blogspot.com

I just watched the movies this week (yeah I know…where have I been?) πŸ˜› In fact, I had never heard about these treasures until I stumbled upon this. Dika said they are ‘thought-provoking’ and upon watching them myself, I have to agree with him on that.

Let me start off with the plot of the story. In ‘Before Sunrise’, American tourist Jesse and French student Celine meet by chance on the train from Budapest to Vienna. Sensing that they are developing a connection, Jesse asks Celine to spend the day with him in Vienna, and she agrees. Passing the time before his scheduled flight the next morning. the two embark on a spiritual and emotional odyssey. Bonding through the act of conversation, Jesse and Celine discover each other’s true essence – their hopes and dreams, their passions and peeves, and their wants and needs. (summary written by randywong@fairisaac.com).

I think you will agree with me that our chance of meeting a nice stranger with whom we can have a nice chat is 50-50. AND the probability of having a nice, deep, contemplative conversation for 14 HOURS with that stranger is almost zero, right? But here’s here. Our characters met on the train, exchanged ideas, and when the guy had to get off the train in Vienna, he asked her to go with him. He gave her an interesting rationalization:
Jesse: Yeah, right, well, great. So listen, so here’s the deal. This is what we should do. You should get off the train with me here in Vienna, and come check out the capital.
Celine: What?
Jesse: Come on. It’ll be fun. Come on.
Celine: What would we do?
Jesse: Umm, I don’t know. All I know is I have to catch an Austrian Airlines flight tomorrow morning at 9:30 and I don’t really have enough money for a hotel, so I was just going to walk around, and it would be a lot more fun if you came with me. And if I turn out to be some kind of psycho, you know, you just get on the next train.
Jesse: Alright, alright. Think of it like this: jump ahead, ten, twenty years, okay, and you’re married. Only your marriage doesn’t have that same energy that it used to have, y’know. You start to blame your husband. You start to think about all those guys you’ve met in your life and what might have happened if you’d picked up with one of them, right? Well, I’m one of those guys. That’s me y’know, so think of this as time travel, from then, to now, to find out what you’re missing out on. See, what this really could be is a gigantic favor to both you and your future husband to find out that you’re not missing out on anything. I’m just as big a loser as he is, totally unmotivated, totally boring, and, uh, you made the right choice, and you’re really happy.
Celine: Let me get my bag.

His rationalization turns out the other way around in the sequel, ‘Before Sunset’ (their second encounter after 9 years have passed). In reality, Celine didn’t get married and the scenario he presents more represents HIM. But instead of him being ‘big loser, totally unmotivated, totally boring’, he in fact is the best thing that ever happened to her. So while he’s selling the go-with-the-flow, it’s-not-a-big-deal mentality, in fact it IS a big deal, probably the most important choice she’ll ever make in her love life.

While ‘Before Sunrise’ sort of idealized a serendipitous encounter with ‘the one’ at its best, ‘Before Sunset’ brings us back to reality. They met again, after 9 years of separation. Well, they’re supposed to meet again 6 months after they parted in platform 9 in Vienna’s train station as they pledged each other but it never happened. So they met again in Paris. Jesse, now a writer (of which about that night they met), on the last stop of his book tour, at the tail end of a reading in a Paris book shop, met Celine again. He confessed later that he wrote the book as a way to find her (of which I think the sweetest thing a guy is capable of doing to express his feeling). But things were different and complicated for them. The chemistry was still there. They talked and talked and found the soul-to-soul connection they once had (and never lost). Nevertheless, they lived their lives, made choices (Jesse is now married with one son, Celine has a boyfriend). This, arguably, was the most realistic, brutally honest ‘romance story’ ever written. Jesse was utterly clear in expressing his regret (of them not meeting sooner) he said:

Oh, God, why weren’t you there, in Vienna? I wish you would have been. Our lives might have been so much different.

Celine was much more realistic at first, referring them with their encounter in Vienna as

You know, maybe we’re – we’re only good at brief encounters, walking around in European cities in warm climate.

Memories are wonderful things, if you don’t have to deal with the past.

Is it true? Well we would find out towards the end that Celine actually wrote a song about Jesse. Gosh, could it be more romantic than that? He wrote her a book, she wrote a song! And before you realize it, the movie is over πŸ˜€ I told you that this is the most realistic love story ever written, so don’t expect them to end up together πŸ˜‰ I can never think of any better ending really. Think about it, Jesse loves his son, and divorce would end at least half of his time with him. What would you do if you are married with a child and you meet your biggest love in life again? Is it better to divorce and risk seeing your child only at weekends, but live together with your true love? As for Celine, will the memory of one love and ‘what if’ prevent her from fully letting go with someone else?

Afterall, we are all adults with certain roles and responsibilities the society demands from us. When we think about it, suddenly we realize it is not all about love. It is about life. Life’s hard. It’s supposed to be. If we didn’t suffer, we’d never learn anything. πŸ˜‰

Just to share the gem, I will leave you with the links where you can read all wonderful quotes from these movies. My favorite is:

I guess when you’re young, you just believe there’ll be many people with whom you’ll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.

Here you are…

Before Sunrise

Before Sunset

Of course I strongly recommend you watch the movies first!

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