In That Mood

It’s Saturday. I woke up late to a call on my mobile (which I didn’t take). After texting the caller with some white lie to cover up the fact that I don’t feel like going out today, I sat in front of my computer. I played some music, the likes of Christina Perri, Matthew Perryman Jones, Katie Herzig, Ross Copperman, Ed Sheeran (yeah, nothing loud), made myself some jasmine tea with sugar ( 😀 ), eating peanuts I forgot I have, and started writing this post.

My room is one big mess, with hairs everywhere on the floor. No, I am not having a shedding dog. It is just me who’s always been having hair fall issue since I don’t remember when. Miracles do exist. I am not bald already!

And I feel okay, a little elated even. Although you can argue that me writing this blog represents my need to connect to the world. The fact is I need to be in the company of others as much as I need solitude. I can call both weekends where I go to the beach with friends and where I hide myself in my room for two days straight, a delight. What does it make me? Egotistical? Anti-commitment? I-need-my-own-space-type of person? Disengaged?

Humans are complex. I know I am. And if I am humbled by my own contradiction, who am I to expect a ‘perfect’ man who suits me in all my moods (and is not turned off with all the hairs around the house)? And I should be the one unsurprised by my singledom, not distracted from the questions and comments from others, range from thoughtful (‘but you’re a catch!’) to tasteless (‘don’t be too picky and materialistic’).

I believe two wholes make a whole. Or like Wang Leehom said in his song: (being) two people doesn’t mean ‘us’.

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