Will you take the hit?

My latest addiction with TV series is Scrubs. I love the characters, especially JD which convinces me that I DO have a specific type of guy (cute, child-like, smart but clumsy, funny, a bit of a nerd, a good friend).

In episode 12 of Season 2, I find an interesting quote:

Cause even if it breaks your heart to be ‘just friends’, if you really care about someone, you’ll take the hit.

It’s in the context of having a friendship with an ex who happens to be your good friend/co-worker. JD and Elliot were friends then they dated. But things didn’t work out so they decided to remain friends, until JD realized that he loved her. She thought they didn’t cut out for romance so she said she would like to just stay friends. Although it was very hard for him to accept her decision, he’d still be there for her, let her cry in his shoulder and listened to her problems, saying this to himself: if you really care about someone, you’ll take the hit.

Now, is it true? Okay, the question should be: can anyone do it?

A friend told me recently about her break-up. Her ex said “I should have known from the beginning that you were meant to be my best friend.” In short, he told her he was not sure that she’s ‘the one’. (reminder for all guys: please please don’t use this reason to break up with your girl friend! It hurts like hell).

The ex said he really hoped they could be good friends because he didn’t want to lose her as a friend.

She told me that it’s impossible, at least for now. She is still devastated from the break-up and afraid that having a friendship with him would prevent her from ‘moving on’. As far as sanity is concerned, there are tons of reasoning against this kind of friendship.

1) Being in love is not about being a martyr.-> one of my favorite quotes

2) If by being “just friends” you are going to do yourself emotional damage, and possibly lower your chances of making other relationships work, then it doesn’t seem like a very good idea.

3) It’s difficult to be objective when you are emotionally attached to someone. I mean, how would you feel providing advice to your ex regarding their new girlfriend/love interest?

4) The friendship is not mutual. It is always the one whose feelings have been resolved the fastest who want to be friends. They cannot comprehend that their ex may not have moved on emotionally so fast.

5) Good friendships post-breakups can only happen a long way down the road once emotional baggage is not an issue anymore.

Actually I cannot think of one sensible reason of being friends with someone who’s broken your heart. It’s all in our heart. Very simple: because you love him and you want to be there when he needs you.

Now, will you?