Karena Kutahu Engkau Begitu*

Last night I had an interesting chat with a friend. He’s the guy who broke my heart two years ago 😉 We never had a real thing going on (I insisted on naming it a ‘platonic relationship’ yeah…right :P). He is a great guy: good looking, sporty, has his own band (how cool is that?), smart, funny, and industrious with a bright career. I met him in a few occasions before he left Jakarta. Since then, he has been working in many countries, Malaysia, Japan, UAE to name a few. And I fell in love with him after he left 🙂 Yes, it was never real. We just chat and had a good time getting to know each other. It’s never meant to be any other thing. But..I liked him. I let my feelings shown. That was ‘Sway’ all over my head (it doesn’t seem right /To look you in the eye/And let all the things you mean to me/Come tumbling out my mouth indeed its time/To tell you why/I say its infinetely true/Say you’ll stay/Don’t come and go/Like you do/Sway my way/Yeah I need to know). Of course, as predicted, he bailed out. He promised to call if he went to Jakarta. Well, he was here three times. And he never called. I was shattered. I thought to myself ‘How can I misread all his signals? He seems to like me, he’s comfortable talking to me about everything including his past relationship, his family, and other stuff. He confides in me.’ Yes, but the truth is… he never gave his heart. I decided to stop communicating with him. I just couldn’t play along. I never wanted to be his confidante. I never wanted to be part of his commitment issues (five jobs in two years may prove a little more than that). Then, after months of not hearing from him, I added him again to my YM list (I have a new account). We chat a couple of times, he gave his number (just in case I might travel to Manila). Last night, he gave me a buzz and initiated a conversation. He told me his fears of taking a big leap to the US, of the possibilities that he may go there, live an easy life and won’t go back. He said ‘But im scared coz i want some challenging life. Challenging job.’ I told him my opinion about that matter. I convinced him to take up the challenge. I was being a good friend. At the end of the chat, he told me to give him a buzz whenever I see him online. That time I realized, he’s never changed. He’s still the very same guy I knew 🙂 A stallion who runs free, never meant to be tamed. And sometimes he needs another who’s just as wild to run with. Just sometimes. Well, it’s not gonna be me… I will be here when he needs to talk. I will cheer him up when he’s low-spirited. I will say everything he needs to hear. But buzz him? I will not 😉 This is KKEB (Karena Kutahu Engkau Begitu) all over my head 🙂 * (just this line, not the whole romantic song)


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. thea
    Aug 13, 2008 @ 18:57:59

    who’s ‘the hell’ this guy fen? he really turns you “crazy”:)))


  2. fennychandra
    Aug 16, 2008 @ 01:02:54

    He’s just another Mr. Big for me 😛
    Filipino, if it matters. Men everywhere are the same, don’t you think? Some are nice, the others are just there to make your life miserable 😉


  3. Trackback: Meet him, meet him not? (URGENT!) « Fenny’s Pensieve
  4. Trackback: URGENT: Meet him, meet him not? « Fenny’s Pensieve

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