Why are you getting yourself into trouble? If you’re smart enough to know that it makes sense to marry someone from the same background and it does, any of the studies will show you that, as far as the divorce rates go. Then you should be smart enough to know not to start something where nothing can come out of it. You’re only going to make a mess.
Words of wisdom above are quoted from Lisa Metzger’s line in PRIME. Lisa (Merryl Streep), a psychiatrist whose son is involved in juicy love relationship with her patient, a 36 year-old divorcee. Torn apart between her professionalism and her personal belief that her son deserves someone who equally shares similar backgrounds, Lisa tries to discourage her son and also her patient with reasoning and logical grounds. The story has predictable ending-especially for someone rational like me!-the couple ends their relationship.
After watching this movie, I got more complete picture about love and relationship, a never-ending struggle between heart and head, and the middle way (if any) that can brings you a sort of balanced approach when you’re dealing with them.
I reflected upon my own love-life (if I can call it so ;-p). I’ve been in love with three guys and none of them shares similar background with me. The sequence of the battle is more or less the same : head-heart-head. Of course in the end my head prevails. Since I don’t believe in love at the first sight, I started off with those three guys with neutral feelings. We were simply friends (not best friends, because I also don’t buy the idea that best friends can be lovers and vice versa). On one horrible moment, I realized I like him. The feeling was so strong that it could drastically change my mood. Suddenly life felt so beautiful and everything changed into colors. You must have heard this a million times or even experienced it yourself. Then if you have a crush on someone, how can you be smart enough to weigh your compatibility? I wasn’t smart because I liked those incompatible guys. My first love is a Christian. The second guy is a preacher’s son. And the third is Christian and engaged (he’s been with his girlfriend for 7 years now). I haven’t been in touch with them for years and it just approved my belief that we can’t continue be friends after we got struck by love. Yes, Lisa is right. I made a mess by starting something where nothing could come out of it.
Yet the question remains… Did I learn something from my mistakes and those messy ‘relationships’?
I learn that loving someone makes you a better person. Even though your care and love focus solely on that person you love, it is still good. You are not the same old self-centered individual when you are in love. You want the best for them and you want them to be happy.
I learn that liking someone is one thing. And hold responsibility of having that feeling is another. Ideally we should finish what we started but when it comes to love, sometimes we would instead run away and act like a coward. This recently-grasped knowledge makes me more considerate and careful with other’s feelings as well as mine. I won’t deliberately spread needles everywhere I go and laugh when someone steps on it and cries…
I learn to tell the difference between love and temporary attraction or even the worst of all, lust. Sometimes you’re just bored with your everyday life that you search for another kind of adventure. This is almost always driven by your ego and selfishness and only leads you to nothing. Thinking about having fun? Well get your own pleasure, don’t mess with someone else’s feelings. Especially for you that are MARRIED. Don’t make up any excuses for your ‘innocent curiosity’. Once you tie the knot, you give your vow. And if you easily break it, you harass your own value as human being. It makes you worthless. You’d better die.
I learn that religion is paramount in a person’s life. It’s very unfair that your spouse or even you, have to change belief to be able to start life together. How can you expect to start your life when you choose to lose yourself beforehand? There are some people who are not so religious and they have no problem changing their religion. But religion is not merely ritual. It has far-reaching effects on your life that you may not realize. Can you retain that spiritual (beyond religions) well-being when you say your prayers in a new manner?
Besides that, I know I fell in love with a few good men. All three have good qualities I search in a man. We had that chemistry and could talk at ease. We shared similar interests so it was like talking in the same language. With the third guy, we often talked at the same time and continued each other’s sentences (it was very obvious that we clicked). I never regret that I was in love because the experience’s all worth it.
After all, what does the concept of love really mean? Does the end game have to be marriage and children? Can you love someone for a finite amount of time and not be considered a failure? Maybe we’re meant to be in each other’s lives for a certain amount of time.
Some relationships clearly are meant to be forever, some aren’t. Can both be positive, both be love?
For me the answer is yes.