I haven’t blogged for quite some time. Usually it takes a mind-boggling event to inspire me to write. But sometimes the event or cause gets too mind-boggling that I choose not to write about it. Instead, I sleep it off, like a sloth. See, you should be careful of what you write about. You may turn to be just that! Like when I was in my early and mid twenties, I wrote about uncertainties in life and being single. Now I’m starting my 30s and still struggling with life’s uncertainties and being single. Hello irony! Well, I thought this topic gets old pretty quickly but thank God, I develop a brazenly good sense of humour to laugh at my situation (of yet to find a life partner). But in my defense, scientists still cannot cure influenza, an illness as old as time. So, if scientists are yet to find the cure even though millions of dollars and thousands of hours have been put to it, it should be understood that for this simpleton with limited resources and life ethics of a sloth, finding true love is a daunting challenge. Ok, before I offend scientists further, I’ll move on to interesting events that might have been the topics of my blog posts some time back:
I developed a crush (yes, like a pimply teenager *le sigh*) on a guy – let’s call him The Pope from hereon – ever since I saw him on a Skype call last year. Yes, again, like a teenager. He has the exterior of a cute, nice guy who reminds me of another guy I had a crush on years back – who was not into me (ouch). So I met him in person for the first time few months back. He turned out to be one of the nicest guy I know. But as we know, thus far, I have no luck with nice guys. This one is getting married in November. This piece of information I got from one of his colleague, after a not-so-smooth interrogation technique was applied to (another classically stupid Fen). I met him again recently and was lucky to have more chances to talk with him, mostly about work (blah!). I found out that he’s left-handed (oh, so my type! :p), can carry mature conversation, a very good listener (although actually I held him hostage by talking non-stop while he’s driving. He got lost several times and had to check his GPS. Oooops). I told him things I only tell my best friends. And we did things I seldom do with a guy, since as you know, I’ve never been in a relationship long enough to actually do things couples normally do. He was with me when I bought my first digital camera (I know, where have I been? *another classically stupid Fen*), he bought me coffee when I was sleepy, he was there when I felt like the world was being a total jerk to me, he accompanied me shopping for shoes and bags and wallets (and he kept his mouth shut, I appreciate it him for that hahaha). With him everything was effortless. He said he thought I was passionate about my work because he saw I was in complete ease and a cheerful mood. I just smiled and unable to utter my true response “Oh you fool, I am happy because of you!”
So yes, he’s one of the best guys I have ever met. Benevolent, nice and kind, like The Pope. And unattainable, just like The Pope.
The weirdos, where do I start. There was a married guy who whispered to me his room number when we were in a lift and asked me to remember it. The same guy asked me if I would go swimming that evening. He would go to the gym to see me swimming. That, in his words, not mine. The same guy spread rumour about me in a conspiracy with weirdo #3 (I’ll get to that later on). There was another weirdo (weirdo #2) who is an all-around great guy except being married and despicable in his pursuit of me, who admitted that what he was doing was wrong but still did it anyway. There was weirdo #3 who both The Pope and I suspect to like weirdo #2, loves to be the centre of attention and I don’t know for what reasons conspired with weirdo #1 to spread lies about me. Weirdo #4 is a married man who asked for my number, asked me out for dinner and tried to call me in the middle of the night. Weirdo #5 is another married man who helped me carry my shopping bags and then forced his way to hug me. The next day, he helped me put my luggage into the trunk of a taxi which will take me to the airport (I did not ask him to do that), then again forced his way to hug me and kiss my cheek in a way that left me feel violated. That moment, I remembered The Pope. He picked me up at the airport, carried my luggages to my room and politely said he was going to wait for me at the lobby to give me time to freshen up. He didn’t force to hug or kiss me although all he had to do was ask. #pletakkkkk :p Weirdo #6 works in a bank, went out with me twice. I didn’t feel we had a connection, conversation was hard to hold, I was in a bad mood. This weirdo is supposedly in search of a future wife and on our first meeting had asked me where I come from, my parents, what my father does for a living, bla bla bla. Yesterday, he asked me out again then asked me questions about my hometown and family that he had asked of and I had answered to two months ago. Needless to say, I am not interested in seeing him again.
I found out that my body has a bad way to react to stress and pressure. I am not cool, calm and confident. I am the opposite of all that. But in the mayhem of emotions, I also felt so empty inside. Like nothing solicited a positive response. Like bored, bored, bored…. So in two weeks, I went to the Universal Studios Singapore twice. To feel the excitement, to be frightened, to be shaken to wake up, to feel something. Well, I am not saying it didn’t work. I screamed like a nut job non-stop for the whole ride. That helped. Since I cannot yell at the weirdos!
But I also needed relaxation so badly. So I went to get a massage three times that week. Twice at a spa. I am not saying it didn’t work. It gave me some sense of relaxation before soon getting depressed again!
One thing finally gave me a relief. Normalcy. I was born in the year of Dog. I am a creature of habit. Deprived of normalcy (home, friends, me-time for tv series, doing nothing on the weekends) and I was almost insane!!
With depression and exhaustion, came nosebleed. I have been having this issue since childhood. My father said I inherited it from him. He had nosebleed from time to time since he was a child himself until he was in his twenties when he got married. I remember jokingly said to him that I need to get married then. Because of growing concern (recently I had nosebleed weekly), I went to a hospital. The doctor explained to me that usually women with this problem have the nosebleed when they are about to have their periods. So it is a hormonal imbalance. He glanced at my data and he said it would be good if I get married. I was laughing hysterically, seriously thinking he was joking. He was not. According to the doctor, women with symptoms related to hormonal imbalance such as nosebleed or dismenore (painful menstruation), endometriosis can see their symptoms disappear once they get married because their hormonal needs are met. My jaws dropped. So this may be right after all. That’s why my father stopped having nosebleed in his 20s and I am 30 and still having it.
You are of course aware that getting married here refers to getting laid, right? It is not about marriage being a spiritual bond that gives a soul-fulfilling and health-inducing effects. Nope, it’s just about getting your carnal needs fulfilled.
Needless to say, I was sent home from the hospital being more depressed. Hence this blog post!!!
I DON’T look like this when having nosebleed..!